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Xian Girl

Posted on 2008.01.30 at 00:59
I saw her at barnes and noble saturday eating red velvet cake. I didn't have it in me to talk w/her.

Posted on 2007.02.08 at 00:25
Some one once asked me why do i not tell people my name online. This was a while back and under a different LJ that has now been erased.

The answer is simple. "Give a man a mask and he will tell you the truth."

So the reason I just give you a fragment of my life is so that I can hide who I am, where I'm from, who sees me and what I want them to know.

The pages of pain. They are filled with my blood.

I love you all.

Posted on 2007.01.08 at 19:16
Jesus, i am bad at this. I haven't written in a while. I haven't even comment on any of your posts. I've been out with Connie a lot. Been tyring to fix whatever it was that's broken with me. I feel like laying down for a minute and sleeping. I don't think I've ever been this excited about another day ending so that a new might begin.

Connie's missing...

Posted on 2006.11.22 at 02:40
Current Mood: coldcold & alone
I told her about Amie. I told her about the day when Amie left me. How I just sat there in the apartment we shared and stared at walls. I refused to wash the dishes. I refused to pick up the sheets. Wash anything. Alan visited me constantly. Esmer didn't talk to me. Samantha had vanished, well, I had thrown her out of my life by then. I had no one but the silence.

Connie's not mad because of the whole Amie ordeal. Just what I said. When she asked me if I still loved Amie, I said, It's kinda of hard not to. I wish it were that easy to forget. But I don't think I'll ever be okay. So now connie's missing and her parents won't tell me where she went off to. They just said I should leave her alone. They're being really nice about it. They're either understanding, or they don't know what's going on.

How can I ask them?

How am I suppose to explain to them that Connie's mad at me because I still love a girl that is no longer around and that their daughter is just a pale shadow of her. I love Connie, don't get me wrong. Not the way I love Amie. Two different loves. When I'm with Connie, I have that security.

I wish I could just tell you all what happened with Amie. I wish I could understand Connie. I should call Alan, despite how late it is, and just go drinking.

fuck school for now.

Posted on 2006.11.20 at 18:31
Amie. bright green eyes. wavey light brown hair. the love of my adolescent life. she was my angel on junk and pot. she was my soul.

in two weeks, it would've been four years.

oh damn

Posted on 2006.11.19 at 14:11
Alan and I went to the pier. He wanted to fish and secretly so did i. We talked about everything. He told me I've been getting better and I wanted to tell him it's been at least a year now and of course I was gonna heal over the whole Amie thing. Connie's great, I told him. She's the best. But she's no Amie, and I would never expect her to be exactly like amie. I dunno. Sometimes the whole world seems to be worred about me. Sorry I haven't been keeping up. With School, connie and apathy. Geez, perhaps one day i will write  super long post. perhaps.

I'm back.

Posted on 2006.11.05 at 14:33
Connie and I took a road trip. It wasn't a long one, it was just to the sandy shores where we live. But that's an hour drive tops. We told jokes. We talked about all sorts of junk. We stayed on the beach all this time, with money that we had saved up from all the junk we sold. I need to sell a lot of stuff. I still have boxes of books that i'll never read again. boxes of magazines that i collected and i know other people will love to read or flip through. I'm such the pack rat.

Connie asked about Amie, however. I don't know if I should ever tell her about Amie.

More of the beach later....for right now i wanted to let my buddies out there know I didn't die or anything.

I'm sorry...

Posted on 2006.10.18 at 17:40
I'm so bad at this. I hardly have any time to respond to anyone's posts. my friends must think i'm a bad lj buddy. Don't think that though. I've been really busy. What with Connie leaving next week and the magazine. I'm so tired. Sorry guys.

I feel like falling down and picking myself back up again.

Posted on 2006.10.03 at 09:41
Current Mood: blahblah
I started writing my life story. Connie doesn't want to read it though.

I met connie's parents this weekend. An odd thing to do because we just started seeing each other not too long ago.  Her mother's okay, but her father's pretty absent minded. I don't think the guy has a single thought in his head, other than drinking and smoking. Even though I like drugs and all, i still think if you devote your whole life to them, you become such a loser that not even God will bother to take care of you.

Also, Connie asked me about Amie the other day. I don't have the heart to share that story with her. She also asked me what Ren was like and I don't want to get into that either. It seems to me everyone I everloved is either dead, dying or just so fucking wasted that they should be dead.

Anyway, Connie's the only good thing that's going for me. I guess, I should be glad about it, shouldn't I?


Posted on 2006.09.26 at 10:11
I had lunch with Connie the other day. She's a sweet girl. I like her a lot. I don' t know where this is going though. Besides, how far can a guy get with a girl he met falling down the stairs?

Anyway, I've been pondering certain things. I want to start a community as a sorta experiment...We'll see how it goes.

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